Laugh....
I always laugh to myself “not as some maniac without reason, at least reasonable reason not the other voices in my head, shush I’m typing, no you shush I’m hungry and tired” when on the plane and they play some soothing easy music when you are landing “no, not the trumpets at Ryanair to celebrate that you are alive” I mean real soothing mellow music like Prozac or valium in musical form, not that I have any experience with any of them but that is what I imagine it will sounds like. Where were we….. ahhh about that laugh…. Listening to this soothing music and watching the cabin crew on their landing positions facing us customers, trying to pretend that they are o.k, when they sit on their knuckles and praying to all the that they land safely, I’m thinking what do they know we don’t. Maybe the pilot is on the pills, maybe it is newbie who does not have much experience but most of the time I’m imagining the AC/DC blasting “Highway to Hell” on sound system in the pilot cabin and the pilots having a blast with some sort sick sarcastic laugh, trashing their head with long hair to the rhythm and taping the steel spikes on their leather sleeveless vests with “Hell’s Angles on the back”.
It gets my hole cracking laugh every time, except if I fly with Ryanscare and then I really hope that what I hear are real trumpets and not the heavenly chorus when I waiting in the line at pearly gates to have pint of Guinness and banter with St Patrick as St Peter might be on hols and it is a party time at gates since Paddy took over the bouncer duties. But the picture is somehow similar just in case of long hair and AC/DC tune with leather jackets I imagine some young boy with standard, two millimeters crew haircut in pilot uniform sweating his bollocks off as he try to remember what leaver to pull and what button to push from his training before joining the Ryanscare for his work experience. So less fun for him and for us and I’m sure when they land the trumpet fanfare is also played in the pilot cabin and slap sound of high fives of sweaty palms to celebrate that they pulled it off as well as the gorgeous “not all, but most of them” airhosteses run towards pilot with thankfully lustful smile to give thanks to them in any way they like. Especially in those new Boeings “without” fault as previously stated by Boeing when delivering the new aircrafts to Ryanair and later admitted that there was fault and all will be well, not mentioning some hundreds of passengers now at heaven, who we unlucky to take maiden flight.
Another this is this politeness of crew when you are exiting the plane, there are not happy to see you leaving but maybe a little bit but they are happy to open those fecking huge doors and let all those hundreds of farts and burps out as soon as possible before they will drop down unconsciousness. So simply they are thankful for fresh air to breath and that is why they are always stood by the doors when you exiting and not somewhere else in the depth of plane. Also the travelers who are in desperate mood to climb over each other as soon as the plane stops to get their luggage and get off the plane first, no matter that we all have to wait until the door is open and disembarking allowed as well as waiting your lifetime for the checked luggage at luggage belt. It is like scenery from some gladiator movie, just the cabin luggage replaced the swords and armor but the hostility and competitiveness remained. Instead of saluting “Ave Caesar” is “Ave the disembarking” and maybe more cunning tactics and false smiles were added as the humanity progress through ages and various stages of “development” to higher level.
The new addition to the amusement of passengers is camera on the tail of the plane so you can see the whole plane landing from slight angle as if you were some superman flying above the plane to save it from the fall. Well I’m optimistic but again one of the voices in my head has come up with hypothesis as what the reaction would be of all passengers watching the live stream of their flight in case something will go wrong “no landing gear will emerge, plane hit a strange angle towards the groud, etc….” as human kind is fascinated with bad news and catastrophes this would be ultimate live news feed or maybe a new adrenalin sport. Live watch of something go wrong and see if it can be fixed before the fatal result will appear. I’m optimist, I really am but sometimes those voices in my head see things more with humor that with seriousness as I read in one of my favorite book “There are people who think of throwing cakes onto other people, then there are people who giggle when imaging this and then, there are people who will do this” to the sound of maybe Highway to Hell from AC/DC or maybe Should I Stay or Should I go from Clash…. The thought of pilots listening to such hard rock or punk while we passenger are doused with docile Prozac or valium in musical form makes me giggle and sometimes laugh.
Long live the air transport and cheap air fares !
Crazy one :-) :-D
