...part two of those anniversary thoughts.

When there is some anniversary or kind of emotional milestone, usually I did and rode that emotional roller-coaster and get dragged to its heights and lows but I assume that as I continuously do some work on myself, aka self-development or maybe because I have gained some more years to my age I’ve changed. Obviously the self-development is not always lonely work, some help is welcomed and needed too, since no one can make it on its own through the painful experience  called life. The desire to overcome these battles and searching for an answer is the most important starting point. As they say, when student is ready, the teacher will appear. Many teachers are appearing through the life but sometimes it is not that easy distinguish them from all the noise. Now I remember one who was disguised as nice lady, who I met on some party. We were chatting away when it became clear that she is interested in more than a conversation only. Well as soon as she asked for my number, she stepped back and said that it was mistake as I’m not into her. Well spotted I have to say, but then she turns this chit chat conversation to more interesting one, as she mentioned that she is not one of my seven. What a strange turn or comment made after withdrawing from pursuing he pleasures of flesh. However we got into a bit deeper conversation for sec or more as I asked her, what does she meant by that comment. Her reply kind of let me speechless and pleased at the same time. She continued, she felt, that I’m not looking for fun or that I’m not a fun time guy. Shocked as I was, I dig deep to see what sort of crap she will come with (not really, seriously this got interesting ) and she did. She said that we all have seven true love / life partners or soul mate or hearth mate or sex freaks who will hit home with every one of us. She mentioned, that for the second she let her sex drive to control her decision as she was fancy me but then she felt that I’m not that kind of guy as I’m coupling only with one of the seven and this is for life. Well, you can imagine how perplexed I was to hearing this from some stranger who wanted to drag me into her boudoir for session of pleasure of flesh. Now from the perspective of time, I can understand that as I realize that she was the teacher who appeared. I do realize that now since yesterday was the birthday of THE ONE and that suddenly opened door to some part of my consciousness or unconsciousness that was locked for very long time. I always thought that there is only one and true love (which very well can be for some people )  but there are more chances, actually seven as the world is big place and it would be such a waste if we did not get second chance. Now the memory flashback are surfacing like the pop-up windows on some movie site to attract our attention to something else, that what we actually watching on the screen.  Realization came to me, that I actually met second, third and maybe fourth ones from the SEVEN and I did not know why I have not followed through and got engaged with them back in the day. Now I see and understand that I lived in past memories and no one could match THE ONE, the idol I left high on the altar of my hearth. They could be the best, could be possibly even better that the one as I believe that one of them was actually sent by her after she passed away but I was so much grieve stricken that I was so afraid to engage. The problem is that now I realize, that when I was grieve stricken and sad I was actually experienced out of body experience, my mind and my body were on auto pilot and in this emptiness of thought the second probably saw the goodness or love within my core. When you see someone core or as they say hearth, you see the person as it is, naked in thoughts, actions and you see their true self so you have this immediate understanding of this person, without any words. The problem was that as much as I was afraid of falling in love I also felt ashamed that I’m looking at another woman while I’m still grieving. That shame was stronger than the need to follow the intuition and engage. Then there was third one from the seven, which I actually  dreamed of the day before. Back then I thought what a pleasant dream it was. Now I know that it was direct communication channel with something higher, bigger than me as the dream was so real that I knew I was there for sure. Still when the time of the day came, when the dream was replayed in reality, it was the same as the previous experience.

 I felt that this is it, that I should make my move and all will be well but as soon as I engaged my mind in, the whole thing was lost. It was the thinking that ruined both occasions as I could not believe that  I should do that, because I felt as if I was cheating, even if she was already on the other side. Both times the mind and thinking or better said overthinking ruined my chances on happiness and happily ever after. The Happily ever after is created by emotions, hearth and feelings and not thinking as thinking is designed for solving the material issues as what to eat, where to sleep and etc. When we are trying to mediate or being mindful it is the same principle as when we are grief stricken or experience out of body experience. Well not the same as the OOB experience if so amazing and so realistic as well as unrealistic at the same time, that you do not want to return to this reality or ever seen the world as you saw it before. However when you have such traumatic shocking experiences or you purposefully meditate the main result is that you are empty, your mind stopped thinking. I have realized after years of self-education as well as self-pity that all the thinking and things what I perceived as issues were creation of my own including my very own love life. As I’ve read somewhere before, ‘The mind is great slave but a very bad master’. Returning back to the initial  idea of seven possible life partners, I do believe to have this zero state, (when we are not thinking) when we are one with universe and one with ourselves and our core, is the most important skill of them all, as only then we can see clearly through every person we meet and see inside them. Some can call this intuition, hunch or gut feeling, so let’s go, use and follow them.