Now I understand why the previous article pop into my head or surfaced in the middle of the night. It was her birthday coming up and if she would be with us, she would be the sexy fifty yesterday. I was not sure where the previous article came from but it must be some subconscious who operated my fingers that night or otherwise is was her ghost in my shell 😊 Well I do miss her dearly but life is going on and the little big potato of ours ‘our blue planet’ is spinning no matter what the personal tragedy we experience. Life or Love is cruel mistress as when we fell in love, we could get our hearth broken and hurt but if we don’t fell in love we just get lost and live lonely life of sadness dwelling in past memories. There is no point live in the memory as that is no way to continue, we cannot go forward when we have reverse selected on the shift stick. Anyhow, the celebrating those birthdays  of someone who is no longer with us is very tough, especially for parents who survived the only child and my hearth and soul is going to them as this is one thing, that no one should experience. Life is cruel mistress and sometimes, life throws a rock or log under our foot so that we trip and broke something but maybe by doing so, we will realize what it is that we miss or what it is that we need. If we will not experience suffering, then we will be not able to experience love and joy as one is going with another, hand in hand. We try to blame someone when we experience the setback, suffer some really hard times, usually we blame other people, God, Universe but only with time we can look back and see that sometimes it was needed for us, to wake up and start living and not trying to make sense of it, as understanding that is impossible, since the emotions are running high. Bouncing from the bottom is hard but when you really on the bottomless pit even slight tiny dot of light above is looking totally amazing. Problem is that usually, we are just looking around or behind and down so we forgot that light is coming from above. Once we are realize that, we lift our head up and then we see that speck of light above we are like the moth who is trying to reach the light by flying right to it. I wish that she still with us but now I look up and I hope, that somewhere there is that speck of light shining down on me and all who knew her. Thank God, Universe for all those fabulous people who get me through the difficult times and showed me that life is going on. Wthout them the personal battle with darkness would be really hard and maybe lost battle. Who know how the mind, unconscious or conscious work but one thing is for sure I’m glad that the memory surfaced in my mind few nights ago and I wish that I could explain this to her parents but that is difficult and I think that no words can heal the loss of child.

Go on all you, who lost someone dear to your hearth, never give up the hope as usually, there is another chance but we are not seeing it as we are blinding ourselves with movie of past. When we wake up every day, we are lucky as somewhere around 160 000 people did not wake up that day. Getting a perspective is hard but when we finally understand, that we are really not here forever and that no one lives forever we could start doing something worthwhile with our lives. And maybe just maybe, when we are doing so, we could experience some magic and surprises of the life. I believe and hope that I will myself never forgot that again and will live and do what I like as the true miracle is that I was born and that I still woke up. The chase for money, power control etc is just smoke, the real stuff is invisible and hidden behind daily act of kindness, even the one unseen or unacknowledged by anyone but as Dalai lama said, the true happiness is in satisfaction. Well now that I satisfied my need of jibber jabber  here I can go and have a nap.